On Nehemiah

Nehemiah 7:2 "...For he was more faithful and God fearing man than many"

I wonder what I would give to be spoken of in such high regards. It's one thing to be called faithful amongst a group of believers, and a whole other thing to be called "more faithful".

I find myself in reading Nehemiah chapter 7, asking "what would i have to give up to be spoken of in such a way?" 

Comfort

Time

Friends

Family

My life?

I once heard a preacher give an example of this sort of thing. a young man who admired this preacher greatly came to him after a sermon saying "I would give my life to have heart like you do, to know God like you do, to have faith like you do" to which the very wise preacher replied

"I have"

of course i would love to be spoken of in such this way, or as Paul and Silas were spoken of in Acts 17 "these men who have turned the world upside down..." but i am not sure what i am willing to give up to be spoken of in such a way. i suppose that's the clue that i shouldn't be spoken of this way.

On Sin

Recently i was listening to a sermon, and something the speaker said blew my mind(in a good way) he said "all unbelievers do is sin" as in everything they do, even things that we would say are morally good are sin such as building a hospital. which is clearly a good thing, but is argued by this preacher, and me is sin. because as Romans 14:23 says anything that does not proceed from faith is sin.

So if anything that doesn't come from faith is sin, and we take the word anything or some translations say whatever means everything, then yes everything they do is sin. which is unbelievably hard for most to accept because they have this itching inclination that there is somehow some good in us, but there is not (apart from Christ of course). so as mentioned before what if an unbeliever builds a hospital? is that sin? yes.

if i asked my father if i could take the car to the ball game and he says "sure son, just wash it so it will be clean tomorrow, and you can take it" and this makes me angry because it was not in my plans to wash the car before i go to the ball game, and i leave the room just fuming mad at my father. and he says "i'm sorry son, that's the prerequisite  for taking the car, so if you wash it you can take it" well an hour or two later despite my best efforts to revolt, my father could look out the window and see me washing the car. now i am obeying my fathers will, but my heart in the matter is desperately against him, all i have within me wants to not be doing what it is i am doing for my father. 

so, yes i am obeying my fathers will, but my heart in the action is selfish to the core and rotten and against my ultimately against my father, because what i am doing is not out of my love for him, but my own selfish gain.

that is the way unbelievers build hospitals.

they are ultimately doing the will of the father, but have hearts that are desperately against him in so doing. therefore sin is produced, because the building of that hospital or any other morally good thing is not from faith, so it cannot be out of a love for the father, so it is sin.

here is to amazing biblical preaching. thank you John Piper.

Lates

On Coffee

The other night, a friend and i went out for some coffee. we sat in a local starbucks, and i had my usual(house coffee, because it's cheap). We sat and talked about doctrine, and some theology. We discussed the problems we see in the church, and how heartbreaking it is that we do nothing about it. through this seemingly bad conversation i found a lot of hope. hope that here now God's people are hearing his voice, and trying to live the way he has called us to live, and take up our crosses and follow him.

i was honestly worried when moving here that there would be no one who truly wants to seek God, because i didn't even want to seek God. i am longing to long after him, i am dying to love him, but these things aren't easy. and that reason is of course because i am selfish to the core. i pray for God to do a work in the lives of his people. and he would be God to me, and my toys would not be my God, but only the true God would be my God.

as i've said before. i know God is good, i just wish i believed it.

God in my living
There in my breathing
God in my waking
God in my sleeping

God in my resting
There in my working
God in my thinking
God in my speaking

Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything

God in my hoping
There in my dreaming
God in my watching
God in my waiting

God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing

Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
You are everything

On Moving

I've recently moved back home to tennessee. Let me be clear-I hate it here. Or at least that was my position on moving back home.

But then I got here-and too my surprise(and aside from not finding a job yet) it has not been that bad. I'm enjoying being home with family-friends-church-and just the overall feeling of home. As much as I would hate to admit this, I'm finding my position here more and more benificial. I was worried at first-I honestly had no clue as to why God would bring me back to tennessee-especially when I hate it.

God

has

a

funny

way

of

doing

that.

Doesn't he?

I would have to say absolutely. Be that as it may I am home-and already doors are opening, and things are starting to be revealed-and while I'm not entirely stoked to be home. I am home-and for some reason now I am okay with it.

I know God is good. I just wished I believed it.

Lates